Winter Irritation: A Case for Bach Flowers

In my part of the world it has been really cold. It's unseasonably cold and has been so for a couple of weeks- an eternity it sometimes feels like.  It has started to warm up since yesterday to the point that now freezing rain is predicted before a change over to rain and then back to a solid freeze again. This is not really making me feel better.

When it first started to be so cold there was a novelty about the situation.  The weather was the topic of conversation everywhere I went and it gave everyone something in common.  No matter how different we were, no matter how disconnected our situations were, we were all experiencing the cold atmosphere and we felt "together" in that. It's kind of "pride of Canada" stuff.  Hmm..

In the beginning of a cold snap there is a certain kind of "romantic pioneer" atmosphere that takes over in my part of the world.  We are all out there in layers and layers of unfashionable clothes that remind us of the snowsuits of old http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2011/11/snow-suits-mittens.html and we're okay with that.... for a bit...  We're using wool scarves and mitts that don't often get that much wear and we're okay with that too.  We're chipping ice, and trying to get water to flow when it doesn't want to, or stop it when it won't quit. Everything takes longer and becomes more difficult.  But there's a challenge in that and we rise to the occasion. We embrace it. We pat ourselves on the back just for getting the car to actually start or getting water to animals or keeping a fire going all day to cut down on energy costs.  We celebrate the end of the day with a hot toddy and toast our survival skills.  And then....

The cold lingers on.  We really do have to get out to the grocery store. It's no longer romantic to try and get feed and water to critters and instead of coaxing that water to flow we're fighting with it.  Everything is frozen and our bodies are stiff and sore....

That's "winter irritation".  You know you have it, when the clerk at the store in a very friendly manner says; "Is it cold enough for ya"? and something inside you twists. This isn't really a question that deserves an answer ever, nor is it expected to be answered, but if you can imagine reindeer stomping footprints on the clerks head when she smiles, then you've got winter irritation.

If you find your shoulders are up around your ears and every muscle in you tightens before you even open the door- you've got winter irritation.

If that colorful wool scarf is now choking you and, by the way, your skin is crawling with this winter itch that is magnified by simply looking at a picture of a sheep, let alone letting wool touch you anywhere... you might have what the cosmetic industry calls "winter itch", or what I call, "winter irritation".

There's a Bach for that!!!  If you find yourself with a case of winter irritation, try a few drops of the Bach Flower essence Beech.  Beech can be a pretty amazing essence that provides some instant relief. Perhaps this happens because the "Beech emotion" is usually a pretty passing state.

When you're in a Beech state you become highly irritated.  Little things (like wool on your skin) that wouldn't normally bother you, are suddenly all you can focus on and they are making you crazy.  You become particularly critical and intolerant of the actions and behaviors of others (like that poor store clerk who on another day you would have bantered back and forth with). The Beech state is usually a quickly passing state IF you catch it quick enough.  If you let it simmer you are likely to pull a lot of other people into your Beech state of irritation and before you know it you've got a lot of confrontation in your life.  That store clerk may not be that far from Beech reactions herself!

Bach Flower essences aren't "matched" to physical complaints, but once the emotions behind the physical state is soothed you often find relief of the physical manifestations.  Beech addresses that intolerance part of you and once your emotions can be brought back to a compassionate state that allows for unity with others, you may find you skin isn't irritated and itchy either!  For that same reason, Beech can also be a helpful essence for allergic states.

A few drops of Beech may be all you need when winter has you irritated and you'd rather be at the beach .  If you've simmered in the irritation for a bit, you might want to consider adding some other essences to your remedy.  Others to consider along with your Beech would be Water Violet, Willow and Impatiens.

Water Violet helps address that feeling of not wanting to go outside the house.  In the beginning of a cold snap it's a peaceful feeling and you open a good book, dig out your knitting http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2011/10/closet-knitting-confession.html and settle in.  After a few days it starts to become a mood you may have a hard time getting out of. In fact, people may stop calling and asking you if you want to join them because you've turned them down so often in favor of your cave. Water Violet can be a "type" within the Bach Flower essence.  It can be a pretty basic part of your personality and Water Violet types are often pretty happy to be alone.  They are self-reliant and private. But even Water Violet types can be prone to winter irritation and they suffer when they find themselves hiding in their cave, unable to break the cycle and share experiences with others. Water Violet can help you break out of your imposed solitude so that you can appreaciate time alone because you've spent time sharing with others as well. 

It's difficult to find the Beech state inside yourself.  When you're in that state you know that you're right and you should be irritated by those crazy behaviors and frustrating events. It's not really you that has the problem, it's everyone else. The longer you stay with that feeling and conviction, the more likely it will turn into something a bit deeper and that could be a spiral into a Willow State.  At this point ,your irritation becomes more of a self-pity and bitterness.  No one else really feels the cold to the same extent you do.  And what is that clerk complaining about? She gets to stay inside while you have to drag those bags out into the cold, into your car, into the house, no one will help you etc. etc. etc.  In the Willow state you feel you are a victim.  You don't deserve these problems but they are coming at you anyway and it just isn't fair. A few drops of Willow combined with the Beech can help you break out of the victim cycle and get control a bit.  If you've combined Water Violet with your Willow and Beech you may find you have some people you can actually call on for help and you can take control and deal with things in a more productive way. 

Winter Irritation is a passing event. Honestly!  It just doesn't feel like it at the time. Winter often feels so much longer than summer. We get impatient with the drudgery of winter and we want to move through it faster.  That's when a few drops of Impatiens may help.  Impatiens, like Beech, speaks to that state of being easily irritated.  And when it's minus 40 below and you're out there trying to fix a frozen pipe, it's pretty easy to want things done instantly!  Unfortunately, that type of impatiens can lead to temper flare ups and it usually doesn't help much to hit the pipe with a really big hammer.  Reindeer footprints on the cashier really won't improve your situation one little bit.  A few drops of Impatiens combined with the Beech may help you slow down, think your way through the frustration and cope calmly and diplomatically with irritating problems.

So in my Winter Irritation Remedy, I combine Beech, Willow, Water Violet and Impatiens.  I take a few drops of this immediately (that's probably the Impatiens in me!) and even when I feel calmer I keep taking this remedy for a bit.  I feel soothed by the re-balance it provides.  I see the gifts and abilities of those around me.  I've even asked for some help now and then. Together we will survive and thrive.  I don't think the pioneers did it alone.  Maybe that's the key. Maybe that's the "pride of being Canadian" and the reason we are considered so friendly.  We need each other and we know it! To survive during adversity you need to work with others not against others.  And for that, a bottle of Winter Irritation may go a long, long way.  Who knows- it might get you to Spring! If you want a bottle, email me heather@pixiedusthealing.com For $25.00 and the cost of shipping it's on the way to you. I'm happy to share!  Keeps the reindeer tracks off my back I figure!

Ahh....

Full Moon in Leo: Time to Air Your Shadow

Feelings seem to be at quite a fever pitch the past few days in my part of the world. It's hard to pinpoint what exactly the feelings would even really be except to say "overflowing".  That kind of intensity may in part be explained by looking up to the sky.  We're in a full moon cycle. It's actually a Full Moon in Leo tomorrow night. Often the intensity of a full moon seems to precede the actual event, so maybe it's no wonder the drama seems intensified. Perhaps tomorrow will bring some release and relief?

I've written about the full moon in Leo before http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/02/full-moon-in-leo.html and all of this still applies, maybe even more so, as continue to move in an ever- changing world. The energy of the moon in Leo is a call to action.  It's a time to shine your light in the world, be creative, step up to the plate, express yourself, bring out your inner lion. http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/02/finding-your-inner-lion.html Hmm...

Sounds intense. No more hiding in the shadows when a Full Moon in Leo is exerting forces into nature. That kind of intensity can be a bit difficult to manage I figure. I believe we feel the intensity of this energy but we often don't know how to respond to this "call to action". And a discrepancy between how we feel and how we act is a recipe for conflict and inner turmoil. And once we feel inner turmoil, we tend to like to put a name to it.  We don't "sit" in turmoil well.  We decide we must be depressed, or mad, or angry, or suppressed, hard done by, wrongfully accused....  It seems to me that if we're happy we're okay to just feel happy, but we want to put descriptors on any of the negative emotions. In fact, it seems we try to internalize happiness and externalize any other emotion. Hmm...

I think such externalization can be problematic. Once you look outside yourself for a reason to be feeling anything less than happy or peaceful, you'll probably find all kinds of things to focus on. And if you've been practicing "let's pretend" http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/12/a-game-of-pretend.html, you'll be able to create all kinds of painful scenarios.  But once you create the scenarios, you might find it hard to get out of your pretend world.

So if you've "pretended" yourself into a tumultuous place, pat yourself on the back.  It means you are "the boss of you" http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/11/the-boss-of-me.html.  That's a good thing.  That's a great thing! If you want to sit with that turmoil under the light of the full moon, and the intensity of the "nearly" full moon, go for it.  Acknowledge your ability to grow this energy, nourish it, and live it.  But take responsibility for it.  You have the power.

If you find yourself in a happy place, pat yourself on the back.  It means you are the boss of you, and that's a good think.  If you want to sit with that happiness under the light of the full moon, and the intensity of the "nearly" full moon, go for it. Acknowledge your ability to grow this energy, nourish it, and live it. But take responsibility for it.  You have the power.

The point is all emotions and all energy is freely "out there" and also inside you.  The Full Moon just makes it more obvious and is perhaps a boost of fertilizer to whatever it is you're growing. Hmm....

In Shamanic Astrology, Lucy Harmer writes;

"The full moon represents a physical and spiritual energy "peak", where spiritual and earth energies mingle; during this period, emotions and subconscious desires come to the fore. The energy of the full moon helps us develop our psychic gifts and reclaim our power."

So  if you're feeling an emotion that seems a little "uncomfortable" or more intense, maybe that's just because you've buried it a little deep and haven't let it out to shine lately.  Maybe that's a bit of your shadow coming out to bask in the moonlight. http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/03/connecting-with-your-shadow.html

You have strength in your shadow.  There is power to create in your shadow.  Moonlight is a great time to let your shadow come out and play.  Acknowledge your shadow rather than trying to find external reasons for how you feel.  Be the boss of you. Embrace your shadow.  Feel your strength. 

Enjoy the moon!

Actively Participating in the Shift

The world felt strange to me yesterday.  As soon as I walked outside I felt a heaviness, a dark foreboding I guess. It was "pre-storm" weather, but usually that feels good to me. This didn't. I found it unnerving.

I am continuously watching for signs from nature and this sign seemed to be pretty "in your face". I found myself in a bad, perhaps anxious, mood for no known reason. So I filled that unknown will all the things I could think of that could go wrong, might go wrong, should go wrong, had any kind of "bad potential" in my life. Now my mood seemed to match what I felt I was observing in nature with explicit reason. Great... Not!!

I wondered what was up. I talked to other people about it, and sure enough the world felt dark to them too. We told each other to "Hang in there", and I had visions of something like today's picture. Hmm...

When the world didn't crash by noon or so, I ventured out again.  A chipmunk practically hurled himself at me.  I considered that a sign and looked it up.  http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/06/i-was-startled-by-something-running.html Ahh... protection I figured. I do feel protected. I relaxed and got some work done.

It wasn't until much later in the day when I actually got insight that changed my way of thinking. I suddenly realized that perhaps I had bought into a "nature tornado".  http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2011/09/detachment-from-drama-tornadoes.html  I figure this is similar to buying in to the drama of those around you.  You take on their energy (good or bad) and get sucked into that eye where everything feels a bit calmer but only because you are spinning so fast you don't even realize it.  So maybe as the world shifts and all of nature responds we really need to be the light.  Maybe that's what it means to bring light into the world, to be a lightbearer, to help raise consciousness or the vibrational level- all those things that are mentioned as part of the shift.  Maybe instead of waiting for "it" to "change me" I need to help and support nature and the universe as it shifts. Hmm...

So when nature seems dark and foreboding, instead of convincing myself that I too have that energy, maybe my role is to be calming and soothing, safe and secure in the knowledge that out of the darkness good things come and reassuring that "this too shall pass".  Instead of matching the darkness we need to carry the torch for a bit and help the universe make the shift.  I mean, isn't the point that "we are one".  That would make me as significant in this shift as the rest of the universe. That means we all have a role to play. An active role to play. 

We (at least I)  are often told to "relax and allow".  That's often considered the way to move smoothly in a spiritual way on a definite path. I always have difficulty with that.  I'm never sure when I should be "allowing" and when I should be directing.  I guess it goes back to captial Flow http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/11/capitalize-flow.html Once again, it seems the message is to take some sort of control or at least provide direction in the shift.  And maybe that means calming the natural ripples around me a bit so they don't  become overwhelming waves that capsize my raft.

We are part of nature just as it is part of us so there must be a interplay there that isn't the "one way" flow I've previously considered.  I should know this.  I once had a pretty wild, no previous good experience with people, rescued horse that I very much wanted to have a relationship with. I would  slowly and cautiously approach her as she would cautiously and slowly approach me. Suddenly she would spook, jump and run and as soon as she spooked, because I was so focused on her, I too would spook and that would make her run more and we would both be running from some kind of unknown fear. We had to come to a place of trust together. And we did. We both remained pretty "spookable creatures", but we had an ultimate trust in each other. Sometimes I calmed her down. Sometimes she calmed me down. Sometimes we both ran but not away from each other. We were in it together. Hmm...

I thought back to my Chipmunk.  I wonder  what his "Human Spirit Guide book" tells him about me.  I hope it suggests protection.  I slowed the car and let him pass although I suggested he might want to find a good place to hunker down before it started to snow and not be running in the traffic on icy roads. I hope he paid attention. Maybe he needed my message as much as he had a message to give me.

In ,what is likely, no conincidence, the Bach Centre www.bachcentre.com  has Chestnut Bud as the Flower essence for this month. It's the essence to consider when you are somewhat oblivious to your mis-takes of the past and aren't learning from experience or taking full advantage of your observation. Hmm...

So I think my personal lesson is that the reason for observation is to position oneself for active participation. I've had this message before and rather ignored it, or at least forgotten about that.  I know the world is shifting and I recognize I have a role to play in this shift that isn't just watching from the sidelines. "Hanging on" means I have as much a firm a hold as I have released hold, and that's the point of balance. And that's when shifting occurs.

"Hang in there, Hang loose, be the change"!

Book Review: State of Wonder

A friend of mine recommended "State of Wonder" by Ann Patchett as a book worth reading.  I always find it interesting to read books friends have recommended.  Sometimes it gives me either a new perspective on that person, or reinforces what I already knew about them. Whichever it is, I often feel close to the friend while reading the book.  Such was the case with "State of Wonder".  This book made me think.  Just like the friend that recommended it does. I can enter a conversation with this friend thinking I definitely know how I feel about a particular subject, only to realize part way through that I have no clue, or I need to totally rethink how I feel. 

"State of Wonder" is a novel about a pharmaceutical research scientist that ends up going deep into the jungle to retrieve the body of her colleague, or at least the story of his death, at the request of the colleague's wife. The main character, Marina, embarks on this journey because she thinks she has to. It's her duty. Hmm...

I know nothing about the jungle, and not much about pharmaceutical research, but this work of fiction reads very much as though it is based in some pretty solid principles. I left it feeling I had gained some education along the way. 

I found myself, along with the characters, challenged as to how I felt about a number of life's big questions.  I had to think about what I consider basic survival and how I might do in some circumstances that lack what I consider "creature comforts". I had to rethink how I felt about fertility drugs, parenting, birth and aging, infidelity, foreign aid, health care, big pharmacy, love and commitment.  And that's just for starters!

Ann Patchett is quite an accomplished writer. She also wrote "The Magician's Assistant", "Run; The Patron Saint of Liars", and "Bel Canto".  I think she's amazing at her craft.  She uses the sense of smell in astounding ways and I believe it's in part because of her ability to use this that I was so drawn into the story. I felt I had smelled the jungle and therefore been there, really a part of it.  Not many writers even use the sense of smell, let alone do it well, but for Patchett ,it's a big part of the story.

Part of the story is centered around the discovery of some rather magical plant properties; hence the pharmacy research.  It brings science right back to nature where it all begins and makes one think about this is a new light.  It seems we so often in our urge to measure, quantify, test and justify, miss the whole point. And yet we think we are "advanced".  Another issue this book encouraged me to reconsider and imagine.

Most of all, I found myself thinking about how often I might have rushed in to rescue others without really considering whether or not they considered they needed rescuing.  I don't imagine I'm alone in this thought or action.  I think there have been times when people would have considered I needed rescuing when in fact, that wasn't the case at all.  And once you embark on a rescue mission, it becomes even more difficult to decide it might be time to turn back, to admit you made a mistake. What if,  in the middle of your rescue mission, you realize you are the one being rescued. Hmm...

When I got to the end of this book, I felt the biggest change had been internal to the character. Through all her experience, and all the things she had done, the biggest impact had been to herself. I got the feeling the rest of the characters were going to fold right back in, the way the leaves did along the jungle river once the boat had passed. But Marina would forever be different, changed because of  the experience of experiencing. I felt a bit of shifting internal to myself as well. The only change we really experience is internal. The biggest rescue we can ever make is to rescue ourselves. I think it's about rescuing our inner beliefs from our ego, from separating our own thoughts from what we've been told or encouraged to believe, or thought we believed because of what we have experienced.  Open up your mind and your heart and your inner beliefs might find a pretty big shift. Maybe that's expansion- allowing yourself the space to shift your being.

And when you have that shift, I think you might see that no one around you needs to be rescued. You have only to consider how you fit into the puzzle and what is right for you. Rescue yourself and allow others to find their own internal reality. They see the jungle through an entirely different set of eyes and they have their own choices to make. And that may or may not line up with your system of beliefs. Hmm...

"State of Wonder" is not an easy read.  It's a compelling read. At times, it isn't a comfortable read. It will make you think.  It just might make you feel.  It might help you shift. That's the power of books and that's the power of my friend.  

But that's just me!

New Moon in Capricorn: Sign of the Snow Goose

Thanks to Wise Woman and my new We'Moon 2013 book http://wemoon.ws/wemoon1013datebook.aspx, I can tell you that today we enter a New Moon in Capricorn phase. 

The New Moon phase is a always a chance to have a "do-over", to start again, to refresh and reclaim yourself.  Thank goodness! 

Lucy Harmer's book, Shamanic Astrology is a great reference for understanding the cycles of the moon and how we are connected to, and affected by this energy.   http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/07/new-moon-in-cancer-emotional-energy.html.  Harmer explains that in the New Moon cycle the moon's face is in shadow for us on earth. It is positioned between the earth and the sun so the part of the moon we see is in shadow because it is masked by the brilliance and power of the sun. Hmm...

Maybe that's an opportunity for us to allow our shadow selves, the piece we may be hiding away a bit, to bask in the glow of the sun and receive that kind of power and brilliance. I've written about our shadows before http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/03/connecting-with-your-shadow.html.  It from our shadow selves that we find our strength.  That's the "real you" that's waiting to get a chance to shine and be acknowledged.  I realize my shadow came "out of the box" a bit earlier this week http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2013/01/blocking-bullies.html.  From that personal experience, I can attest to the fact that allowing your shadow to come out is not always comfortable, but well worth it!  Your shadow, that deep inner part of you that you've learned to suppress, isn't in itself dark and dangerous.  It's a great part of you that you have been keeping in the dark!  Time to shine the light on it. And what better time then today when the energy from the sun, the moon, the universe, are providing that opportunity to you.

Today's picture is of a Snow Goose. In Shamanic Astrology, http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/07/book-review-shamanic-astrology.html what would be Capricorn in Western Astrology is represented by Snow Goose.  So, today could be considered the New Moon in Snow Goose energy.  Harmer explains the Snow Goose brings renewal during this time period of clean white snow. 

Snow Goose people, according to Harmer, in Shamanic Astrology, place great value in tradition and family. Their strengths among others are that they are patient, ambitious and disciplined. The lesson to be learned by Snow Goose people is often to "let go and open up to new ideas".  Their lesson is to "move out of their comfort zone and a life that may be too structured". Hmm...

Perhaps in this 2013 times of rapid change and revelation, shadows can no longer be hidden or kept in the dark. This may just be a time when, like it or not, you will no longer be in your comfort zone of structure and your shadow will be clear and present under brilliant illumination.

Steven Farmer http://www.earthmagic.net/, in Animal Spirit Guides, writes that the appearance of the Goose is a symbol of good fortune and evidence that great things are coming to you if you are aware and receptive. Farmer suggests you call on your ancestors for guidance and protection when Goose energy is around you. It's a time to be creative, imaginative and uninhibited.

Farmer also suggests you call on Goose energy or the power of this spirit animal when you want to renew the "magical and wondrous nature of childhood through the eyes of your inner child".

Now that's what I'm talking about!!!

Of all the bazillions of pictures available on the Internet of a snow goose, today's really caught my eye.  Most other pictures show the goose in flight or swimming or maybe walking around beside the water.  Apparently this guy has just had a bath and is shaking out his feathers.  I don't think so.  I think he is opening up his heart Chakra to fully receive the gift of illumination being offered to him.  But that's just me.

I think today is a great time to let your Inner Child come out of the shadows to receive  well deserved recognition and acceptance. Let yourself shine.  Bask in the energy of magic where all things are possible if only we'll let it.

Yippee!

Blocking the Bullies

Only 7 days into 2013, and my "Year of the Kid" http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2013/01/2013-year-of-kid.html resolve got challenged in a pretty big way yesterday. Perhaps what happened was I experienced part of the negative aspects to being a kid.  But I've come out the other side stronger as a result and that's what being a kid is about too. And best of all, because I have my own blog, I get to share my experience! Whether you read it or not is up to you!

First... the background. Because of my Inner Child commitment, I have started to look at things in my life from a new perspective. One of those "things" was a work project that in my previous life I would have considered a "commitment" and a "have to do no matter what".  I've been struggling with this as many of my friends know because they have at least pretended to listen to my angst about it. It was for sure- NOT FUN. I tried coming at this from multiple different angles including attitude change, readjusting things, the works. Yet I couldn't make it feel right. It was just wrong for me, my Inner Child kept screaming. And I couldn't twist it into anything that felt okay. So, in a pretty much unprecedented move for me, I quit. I did not do this lightly. I did not do this without angst. I knew it wouldn't be easy. But, I followed my hear, my intuition, my emotions and my "kidness".  I armed myself with cue cards to help me keep my resolve and not be cajoled (a.k.a "guilted into) into trying to make something else work. I even put an "I will not be bullied" sign up on my cork board because I guess I had figured out what type of kids I was playing with and that's part of why I decided to quit the team!

Having got past the angst of the decision, and having made my cue cards, the actual quitting process went remarkably easy. Things went very smoothly.  No emotions.. done deal. I did my happy dance. I took a friend out for lunch. I was on top of the world. I felt so much lighter. I got ready to get back to putting effort into some projects that really do feel good and that been neglected a bit during my struggle.

I opened up my email.  This is usually a very positive experience for me and a pleasant distraction. I get newsy information from friends. I get inspirational stuff. I get a laugh with colleagues and even when we're working on serious stuff there is often a friendly personal note in there. WHAM! POW! Remember the comic strips when someone gets punched - that's what happened.  I got an email that felt worse than a sucker punch to the solar plexus ever would. I've been Cyber Bullied...

Here's the thing I now understand.  Cyber bullying is way worse, in my opinion, that the physical bullying of my youth. I've taken perhaps more than my fair share of physical punches. No doubt because I've given them as well. At times I guess I was a bit of a "scrapper" and it even because part of the occupational territory at times in my life. But rarely is anyone really sucker punched without having some idea that it's coming. You know if you're walking in an unsafe neighborhood or about to meet up with the bullies and you brace yourself if you can't avoid it completely. Even if the punch comes out of no where you have a second before impact to tense up or adjust position. A part of your fight or flight response registered the body language of your opponent and prepared you. Not so with an email bully. There was no behavioral warning sign that my body has figured out to see this one coming and anticpate it. This came from someone I thought was professional and who I had had nothing but professional dealings with.  This was not the person I'd had the phone call from- it really was kind of a "Hench man" I guess. That is the way bullies work.

The thing with a cyber bully attack is that the message takes on a whole life of it's own.  There is more energy in some ways than a physical impact.  You keep reading it over and over again and allow that energy to keep hitting you.  It's really hard to stop yourself.  You keep thinking you must have read it wrong, interpreted it wrong, have been overly sensitive.  You look back to see who else was cc'd on this and has also therefore ganged up on you.  It's hard to walk away from it.  It just sits there in your in-box.

Wise Woman and I have talked about emails before.  We believe there is a real energy behind them- either good or bad. There is power in the written word and this seems even magnified in cyber word. You can really feel the energy, the hatred, the panic, the maliciousness, and thankfully the love and positive side of things as well. 

Sending out an email is so different than a phone call.  I've had my share of screaming phone calls before  I guess.  Geez... maybe I really am a "scrapper"??  But at least with a phone call there is a pretense that you want to share something. You might possibly be looking for my side of the story. I might be able to share something of how I feel with you. It takes more time and courage to make a phone call. You at least start out thinking about what you will say. Certainly either one of us can hang up.  It's not really the same way with an email or cyber bullying. 

I have really gained appreciation for what kids are going through as a result of my experience.  I know my experience is no where nearly as bad as what happens when stuff goes on on social media or private things are shared, but at least I have an inkling of tough it is for kids. And, in my opinion, it really is tougher than when "we were going through it".

A sucker punch or a cyber punch, at least for me, is a hit to the third or Solar Chakra.  It's a sudden loss of the feeling of personal power. It's a hit to feelings of self-worth, and in fact the very definition or sense of who you are. http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2010/12/food-for-solar-chakra.html It's no coincidence I don't figure that an unbalanced third Chakra can manifest with digestive problems.  I actually felt sick to my stomach when I read that email. 

When you live your adult life from a kid perspective, you do have more resources.  I had my trusty box of Bach Flower remedies.  I took some drops of Mimulus. It's indicated for fear of known things.  My sense of security in myself had been thumped right out of me and I couldn't even think straight because of my emotions.  That's what Mimulus is about.  Star of Bethlehem might have been helpful for a sense of shock but that wasn't quite what it was for me. In fact, I might have been expecting this all along- just not prepared for it. I've written lots of ideas on Bach for different aspects of bullying For me, this time it was Mimulus that helped. Once the Mimulus "kicked in", I was able to think my way through to doing some other things.

The most satisfying of all was I "blocked sender".  No more bullies. At least not this particular one.  I resisted the urge to read this message again. I thought about saving it to share with my own "gang" so I could analyze it further, launch an attack, question whether or not there really was something relevant in there or action I needed to do to protect myself. When you block sender, any incoming email from this same source goes to your junk file.  Delete your junk file without reading it. I believe these skills of blocking, selection before reading or receiving ,and deleting without looking should be talk to every single child. Right Now! They probably know how to do this and had it figure out long before I did, but I think we need to have the discussion about actually doing it.  On social media sites although it's tougher to do this, you can delete followers or even shut down sites for awhile.  Again.. we really need to talk about this and teach this I think.  Maybe we need to teach this in the workplace as well as in school??? Hmm...

I understand the energy and emotion from which this email came. I believe at one time or another we are all both bullied and bulliers and often it occurs at the same time.  We are bullied therefore we bully.  It's a "flow downhill" type thing.  It doesn't make it right but it means we need to get to the source.  I written about this before  http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/04/bachs-anti-bully-solution.html  I think people aren't always allowed to exercise creativity, be real, or admit when projects just aren't realistic or do-able no matter who else you walk on. I think a lot of people in the workforce are being bullied into completing projects under unrealistic conditions, time lines and unfair expectations. This isn't just in places where slave labor is allowed. It's happening in corporations, institutions, and organizations. We need to take a moment and listen to people instead of just pushing the panic and craziness on. I guess that's a whole other post for another day...

In the meantime, I'm going to exercise my "blocking abilities".  I'm going to talk to the kids in my life about it- in fact, I already have started to do that. It opened up some interesting conversations.  Some kids have stopped signing up to some social media or ignore their accounts and have moved on to more selective sites where they can better select what they want to read and what they want to share. Whether we want to admit it or not, cyberland is kidland and they know the rules and possibilities better than we do. It's time we listened.

I'm also going to be very careful about when and how I send my own emails.  I'm going to think about the energy I'm putting behind my words.  I'm going to consider whether or not I should be making a phone call or having a person to person conversation instead that might take a little more nerve, and at the same time be showing an ability to accept there could be another side to this. Maybe the old "count to ten" before you type and send could be appropriate here.

It turns out "block sender" and Mimulus both help me to "Be the Boss of Me"  http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/11/the-boss-of-me.html I like that!  I also used The Violet Flame http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2011/09/detachment-from-drama-tornadoes.html to get that kind of energy right out of my life and I believe that helped as well. Sometimes letting go of your roots means quitting the team that allows a culture of bullies to survive. I get to pick who I play with. No more bullies allowed!

2013: Year of the Kid

Well... here we are in 2013. Hmm... So much has happened, so much has changed... so much has stayed the same.  I don't make New Year's resolutions- too much pressure.  But I have resolved to make 2013 "year of the kid" for me. It's a personal choice. It might not be for everyone. But it feels right to me.

The idea came to me "out of the blue" the other day. That's the spot from which all good ideas come from so I paid attention and put some more thought to the idea.  I was sort of thinking about that "letting go of roots: safety and security" post from the other day.  http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/12/full-moon-in-cancer-letting-go-of-2012.html What occured to me was that the idea, or at least the worry and concern, about safety and security, for me at least, was a very adult idea. I'm sure this is different if your childhood wasn't pretty carefree, but in my memories, mine was, and I really don't remember worrying about whether or not I was "safe and secure".  I didn't think about safety when I was the first one to try out the ski jump we made.  I landed in the brook with my skies still on, but for a brief moment I really enjoyed the flight! And that's the part I remember. I didn't worry about what I was going to "be" when I grew up, I just felt pretty secure being me. I didn't worry about not having 50 cents I really enjoyed selecting what I could buy for 25 cents. Hmm...

So how did all this "heavy adult" stuff come in to weigh me down and plant deep roots?  I considered that the other day when it was obvious to anyone and everyone that my kitchen floor really really needed to be cleaned!  I was kind of grumbling away to myself when I thought about playing "Let's Pretend". http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/12/a-game-of-pretend.html   Here's the thing.  We used to pretend we had houses.  And one of the things we used to do in our pine bough pretend houses was sweep the floor. Hmm...  We wanted to have real floors that we could sweep and clean.  Seems as though I have my childhood wish. Well that got me thinking! 

We also used to play pretend with an Easy Bake Oven.  Whenever someone got a new one it was great because you could actually make some stuff that seemed edible back then.  But once the packages were gone we just had to pretend we were cooking something and imagine how delicious it would be.  Well.. now I have the real version of what we were playing pretend over.  I can make whatever I want, when I want!!  And I don't have to make those teeny tiny versions or wait for the light bulb to heat up- I can make a really big cake if I want!

I started to really look around at my life and I realized that I have an awful lot of the things that I used to only pretend I had.  And I realized that a lot of things I now consider "chores" that "have to be done" were the very things I used to only wish I could do.  Maybe it's just me, but that was a pretty powerful revelation to me.  It was kind of a scream to "wake up and lighten up"!!  So I did.

I cleaned my floor, and the bathroom even and actually enjoyed the process.  This was exactly the real version of what I had pretended in the past.  Somehow, when I do those "chores" with the mind of a kid, it's actually fun.  You have to try this to believe it. It's kind of like you go outside your body and watch yourself playing.  I know you're thinking I'm crazy right about now- but I dare you to try it!! I double dare you!

Once I got going on this theme the world shifted for me.  I realized that I can now stay up as late as I want a reading a book if that's what I want to do.  I can choose to read it by flashlight if I want.  So I did!  I can actually eat what I want, when I want. So I did. I went out and played in the snow by brushing off my car and I didn't even put on a snowsuit! http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2011/11/snow-suits-mittens.html Liberating!!

What I didn't do was "clean out my closet".  Instead, I played dress-up with a friend. It's a totally different experience.  Your friend sits on your bed while you go through your closet throwing out things that don't fit, are just plain ridiculous, or no longer should be seen in private let alone public. You try a few things on.  You giggle while you do this.  Your friend inherits a few items that actually work for her.  She will suggest you throw out things you might have tried to hang on to.  She'll suggest you keep some things because she'll tell you they actually look good on you and that will boost your spirit a bit. You laugh and talk about "stuff" and before you know it- your closet it actually clean and you have some bags of stuff that someone else can play dress up with.  Hmm...

I had a slightly different version of this idea awhile ago when I wrote a book review about things learned in Kindergartenhttp://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2011/09/crayola-bombs-afternoon-naps-book.html  But this time what I'm talking about is reconnecting with your inner child and doing whatever it was that you used to want to do but couldn't because you were a kid ow whatever it was you really did like to do back then. It might be playing with the crayons again. It's definitely about being "the boss of me", http://pixiedusthealing.blogspot.ca/2012/11/the-boss-of-me.html 
because that's what you really are now.  Wow!

It's about an attitude shift I think.  2013 is the year I'm going to reconnect with the real me.  That's the me that had a pretty clear idea of what I want to be. But this time I'm going to "be" that kid while I "do" just that. I'll still do my homework, but I'll do it knowing that once it's done I get to go out and play. Sometimes, on a nice warm day, I'll play hooky just because I can. I'll use my easy-bake-oven and make whatever I want to.

I'm also going to feel like a kid.  When I'm happy I'm going to really feel that happiness, when I'm angry I'm going to feel that too and if something makes me sad- I'm going to cry.  I'm not going to hold in the tears, hold back telling my friends when I don't like what they are doing, or play when I don't feel like playing. I'll do all those adult things I really wanted to do, but I'm going to feel like a kid while I do them.

When people are practicing the Law of Attraction, or the suggestions from The Secret, they sometimes create something called a vision board.  You put on this board the things that you would like to bring into your world.  Maybe it's a new house, or a pair of shoes, or your book published. That vision board never quite felt right to me.  Now I know why.  In my opinion, it isn't about things that I want. I've got lots of things, there are some things I still think I want. But it would seem, of the things that I do have, I've turned a lot of them into roots that need attention, constant watering, and are a lot of work to maintain. Some of my things have become chores.  It isn't things that I want.  I understand that now. It's the feeling that I thought having those things would give me when I played pretend.

I have a cork board.  I guess it is a vision board now. It has three very colorful pieces of paper on it now cut out in fun shapes.  On one shape it says "Be a Kid".  On another it says "Feel like a kid" on the third it says "Think like a kid".  I had fun making this board.  I used my markers, I made my own lines, I got to choose the colors I wanted. I didn't ask anyone else what they thought. I played by myself.  I took the "to do lists" and the reminders and the "must accomplish" things off my cork board.  I don't remember making lists when I was a kid. Not fun.

Any time the heaviness of the world intrudes and  Ilose the idea of being a kid I hope I will glance at my board and remember how much fun it is to feel like a kid with the abilities of an adult. Yippee!!