Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Time to "be"
I found myself in possession of a very rare and unusual thing today- time. I'm pretty good at spinning myself in multiple directions. I know all about "busy work" and typically have a lot of projects going all at once with at least one or two things that I am behind in. But something happened today...
I went to yoga class (always wonderful!), went for a long and enlightening coffee chat afterwards, picked up some groceries and came home. And then I realized- I had nothing I "had to do". Hit me like a ton of bricks because I can't really remember when or if I've ever had that feeling before- at least not since the age of 12 I'd guess- and that was a long time ago.
Now don't get me wrong. There were lots of things I "could and should" do. Anyone that knows me knows that I should always clean the house (because I rarely do and it shows), I could always shovel horse manure, or go for a walk, or start a new project, or get caught up with a multitude of books I'm readying- or update my blog. But while all those things were options, for the first time ever, I didn't feel like I "had" to do any of them.
It was a actually a bit of an unsettling feeling. It's no where near the same as "getting a moment to myself" or "figuring out what I should do next" or having a "minute to sit down with a cup of tea","having a chance to visit with a friend" or "having the time to read a good book"- it's not DOING anything and not even something I consciously did- it just happened. This is even different than meditating because the act of meditating in itself is "doing something". I think this is the stillness and being that Eckhert Tolle has been talking about in his books.
I'm not sure how or why this happened. I was in a pretty "zen" moment from yoga class. I have been taking "Perelandra Natural Aging" for a couple of weeks now and I do feel it has been allowing me to develop some mature insight so maybe that was it.
I couldn't stay in that space for long. It's actually a bit unnerving and I think something one needs to try out in small spaces. It does feel incredibly peaceful and is worth letting go to achieve.
Now that I have an idea of what it feels like I will "allow" (not try because it doesn't work like that!) it to happen more often. I highly recommend it!!